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My Testimony.


Evangelical Christians such as myself believe by accepting the free gift of the gospel by which we are saved, we can know we are in a state of salvation now by believing in Jesus. This is the story of how I became saved, however doctrinally first I feel I must point out I also believe that if a person moves out of faith into unrepentant sin, and make what the bible calls "a shipwreck" of their faith, that person can be lost in future days. But not throwing away the free gift of eternal life does not mean you earned it by refusing to deny the gospel you accepted. Accepting a free gift does not render it not free.


Before I became a Christian I was a strong chess player. I beat a grandmaster in a simultaneous exhibition, as well as being awarded the brilliancy prize in a Liverpool Junior Chess Congress, and I was subsequently shown in the Local newspaper holding the Brilliancy Prize cup, given me by John Littlewood. I also beat Malcolm Pein (a chess writer) in the final of the Liverpool Chess Club Blitz tournament. I only ever played Nigel Short one time and drew, but I also only played one time against Sheila Jackson (later the British women's champion) and beat her. However all these players except the grandmaster soon became vastly better players, and I decided to give up chess, in order to try to be a novelist.


Very significant also I feel was my hobby of listening to Classical music, mostly Bach. I feel these two pursuits, chess and Classical music, help to divert me from a more sinful secular lifestyle, and I used to work in my job all week simply to buy more Bach LP's. However my obsession with chess also caused me not to get many qualifications in school, which I later made up for by passing many exams, and graduating from Art College.

I feel ashamed to tell you all now, I think it is probably necessary to mention an incident in my life, to show just how much at that time I never believed in God. I was baptized Church of England as a baby, but in reality I grew up atheist. I went out drinking one night, and after consuming quite a lot of alcohol in a public house, I started shouting out loudly at God in the street on my way home, denying he was there, and asking him, if he was really there, to prove it, by striking me down dead with lightning! Beckoning to him to do it.  He could have done it, if he wanted to, and doubtless have brought many to believe in his existence by so doing. I however am glad to say the God who says of himself "The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth," Exodus 34:6 decided instead to be kind to me, as Jesus said: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." and I never knew just what I was doing in reality.

Then, when I was 19 years old, my sister was bringing books about Buddhism and Eastern spirituality into the house. I was interested to read these books, but decided that I did not believe in reincarnation. At that same time my mother was reading the Holy Bible. I was blessed she owned this, and I began to read first The Book of Revelation. I was immediately very confused by the symbolism of the book. In those now long past days, I can remember trying to imagine what God might look like physically, if he had 7 eyes and 7 horns on his head, and had 7 spirits, as the Book of Revelation describes. I was not spiritually advanced enough to realise these probably represent symbolically that God is  'all seeing" and "all powerful" and "all spiritual" that is - the Supreme Spiritual Being, 7 representing completion.



After reading Revelation I wrote down this poem, I can remember it word for word, even now after 45 years:

Can I stand to read what's written,

If it seems from false feelings smitten?

Is all pain pointless, and pleasure too?

Why and where and what and how and who?

The justification for life?

Life to begat life? Strife to begat strife?

What do these foolish imaginings form?

Am I born to be born to be born?

God! Don't spin my mind with circles!

I am dizzy with strife!

You won't win my mind with circles!

I am dizzy with life!


This poem was largely about my feelings of rejection toward the idea of reincarnation. I guess the part about dizzy was that I was now confused by the very interesting symbols of the Book of Revelation that I could not yet understand. But one big change had happened! I was now speaking directly to God himself!!

I went to bed and pondered what I had read in the last book of the bible, which Catholics call The Apocalypse, but the Orthodox avoid reading. I put my hand up to God before I went to sleep and said "Help me!". This was the wisest thing I had ever done. God sent me a vision or dream that was made to help me as a unique individual.

That night I had a dream, showing me I had an invisible soul not just a human body. I have decided not to share the exact contents of the dream, as I feel it was given to help me as an individual.

Knowing I had a soul instantly delivered me from the lies of evolution, as I felt it was impossible for an invisible soul inside us to evolve. In essence the dream or vision stimulated me to think about my body, and that I did not believe it was a kind of machine made of flesh, bone, blood and sinew. inside was an invisible soul.


I believed in Christ without anyone witnessing to me. A pastor in Liverpool called Pastor Whittal also said he was saved without any human involvement. It was entirely by reading the bible and reaching out to God, similar to saint Paul, that I was saved. It is necessary that people realise this can happen, in order to show that a person's salvation is between him or her and God, and though this generally happens by someone witnessing to you, it does not have to happen that way.

Something else I want to mention is, when I was a small boy, I accidentally smashed a person's window. I was very afraid and said to God: "God! If you get me out of this I will believe in you!" Even though I was very small, perhaps only 7. I told my father what I had done, and he said he would not punish me because I had been honest, and he went and fixed the large round window for the person. I had gotten away with it without being punished, but I forgot all I had said to God, I suppose because I was so very young, and I subsequently never believed in God until I was 19.


(to be continued..... )

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